5.06.2009

There are so many things that happen everyday in our lives, but if we don't write about them we forget them and they quickly are lost in the fog of the past, where they are unimportant and insignificant. It doens't matter how much importance an experience has for you at the time, in a few days or months they are forgotten. It is sad to think that someday all these little joyful moments shared with my daughter are going to fade into a foggy mist of insubstantial memories that are recalled only with the greatest of effort with little detail, if any. There are so many things that if I had not written them down I would already have forgotten. It hurts my heart to know how fragile our memories are and little we can retain. I know there are plenty of things in my past that I wouldn't want to recall more clearly, but there are a great many more things that I wish I could remember far more clearly than I do now. Someday I hope we can unlock the secret to retaining our memories and how we felt while experiencing them.

If you sat down right now and tried to remember the first time you saw your child's face, could you? Not the time, obviously, but the way they looked, the way you felt, where you were, who was there. Can you remember it?

If you tried to remember the way you felt on your wedding day, how your spouse looked, who came, what you ate, whether you cried or not, the look on your parents faces, can you? Do you remember it all?

Can you remember your gradutation? Were you nervous? Who spoke? Who came? Was it inside, outside? Did you have fun or just endure? Is it still there? Can you remember it at all?

Do you remember your first job? The first day of your first job? Did you mess up? Were you a nervous wreck? Who did you work with? Can you remember their names?

Why is it that so many of our experiences become so insignificant that they don't even stay in our minds? I'd like to be able to say that I will never forget how it felt to hold my daughter the first time. How I cried when I saw her, and couldn't even form the words when my husband asked me if I wanted to hold her, but he still knew. I wish I could hold that feeling inside me and never lose it even a little bit. But already it slips away, day by day. I forget.

And those are the big things. I don't want to forget the way my daughter grins with her three teeth and then tries to attack my fingers. I don't want to forget how she loves to play peek-a-boo, and hides from me before popping up and laughing as she does it over and over. I don't want to forget the way she nestles down with her head under my chin and falls asleep listening to my heart. I don't want to forget how she tries to hide things on her head, and thinks it's the bestest ever.

There are so many things I don't want to forget, and I've already forgotten them. I wish I could get them back. They are my treasures, and it hurts to lose them day by day.

Don't forget what matters most. Never forget it.

4 comments:

Tammy said...

I've done a lousy job of it but that's what journals are for. They help you remember all those wonderful things.

Jenni said...

Someday, after we leave this frail existence, we will remember it all.

k8esk8e said...

Journals are great, and I need to be better about writing in mine, but I do love it. And I'm so excited for the day when I can remember it all. :) That'll be a good day.

cara said...

I'll write more in my journal. Luckily none of those things have happened to me yet! Unless you count babysitting as my first job.