"Home is where the heat is."
But what if your heart is in more places than one? What if you have a broken heart? Does that mean your home is broken as well? What if your heart is confused?
I think I might be homesick. If it's possible to be homesick while in your own home.
I miss my family. I want to go home. Which happens to be in Idaho, California, and Hawaii, all at the same time. Because that's where my heart is. Oh yeah, and for a little while Taiwan too.
I want to say that I'm a grown up who doesn't need to call home constantly. But I'm not. I want my mommy. And my daddy. And my little brother. And my sisters.
My family are my best friends. And I feel incomplete without them. How do people do this? They do it all the time. I feel like I'm about to fall to pieces quite often.
Somehow I can make this work. I can behave normally with no tears and no heartache. I'm sure of it. I just have to figure out how. Because so far nothing has worked. I cry a lot. Rather irritating. I just have to make sure Logan doesn't see. Or anyone else for that matter. I hate it when people see me cry. Luckily they can't see my heart.
Now, I don't mope around the house or anything melodramatic like that. I clean and take care of Piper and cook. I carry on as usual. I function. I'm just not... not quite myself I suppose. I miss the silliness I have with my sisters. And the fun conversations with my brother where he tells my everything that's going on with him and shows me the newest feature in his room. And the heart-to-hearts with my dad. And the advice and jokes and giggling and talks and fun with my mom.
Great. Now i started myself crying again. But you see, my family is such a big part of me, I just don't know what to do now that I am away from them.
Here is my home. I have my wonderful husband and adorable daughter. Both of whom I love fiercely. But they aren't everything. Logan is not my mother full of good advice and funny anicdotes, and Piper is not my silly sisters that make me forget about all the seriousness in life and just have fun.
No one can replace them. And I don't know what to do about it.
I miss my cousins. I miss my aunts and uncles. I miss my cousins kids. I miss my grandparents. I miss my brother. I miss my sisters. I miss my dad. I miss my mom. I want to be surrounded by family. My family.
I love my family. They are my home.
5 comments:
Oh Kaitlin... You do have a great family! (and thanks for including aunts and uncles and cousins btw) That was a heart breaking post, Do you call eachother often? That would help. It's an adjustment, I'm sure. Do you have plans to come to California for Christmas or anything? We spent some time on Labor Day with your family. I heard all about the man'o war incident in hawaii. Tell Alyssa to post about these things. Last time I checked, you set her up and she only wrote about Half Dome. Anyway, we miss you too! Keep your chin up and just enjoy that family of yours there. Love ya Kaitlin!
It is definitely hard not being around your family. It will get easier, though. And phone calls/video chats/email makes it a lot better. Hang in there!
I miss you too Kaitlin!
Kaitlin,
It can only get easier. Every slow day that doesn't seem to pass, will pass. I've been away from family for a long time and I've enjoyed becoming friends with Steve's family. Hopefully, the same can happen for you. Also, get involved in your ward. Relief society is a blessing that Mormons have. We are lucky to have a claim on friends wherever we go. Lots of love.
Sharon
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